saltwater: Archive

i'm poor as shit

me: i think i need my oil changed thats why my car sounds like a dinosaur
sarah: ohh that could do it
me: i need to go somewhere where they'll do it for like 35 cents and a handjob
me: just kidding
 but seriously.

Jan 31st

hah

i’ve been sitting at this lonely corkboard desk staring at 152 mailboxes, thinking of how depressed it makes me to be sitting at this lonely corkboard desk staring at 152 mailboxes at 8:40am instead of sleeping like any normal person would be. but somehow, i was reminded of this cruise i am going on in five weeks, and i got REALLY EXCITED. so now that i’m in a good mood, i’m...

Jan 30th

magical thinking

there are so many things going on in my imagination, that it’s difficult to decipher what exactly is reality and what i have made up. most times, my thoughts have al been conjured from things i wish would happen, or things i know will happen. i’m going to start writing out these scenarios, and maybe they’ll turn into something incredible.

Jan 28th

working in the mailroom

josh: do i have a package in there?

me: i don't know, did you check your box?

Jan 28th

fuck.

today, i showered, got dressed, left the house. i noticed it was uncharacteristically warm out. the breeze was hot and my car was gross and clammy inside, and my hair frizzed like no other. i was already ten minutes late, and on the way to campus, it began to downpour. after finding a parking spot at the furthest lot from the center of campus, i opened my umbrella and began the trek. the awful,...

Jan 25th

we cannot enforce a curfew, since there is no...

Radha: omg this summer sucked bawls yo it was really muggy and hot and rainy and shit what the fuck is this brazil Radha: real world: brazil HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA Me: real world cambodia Radha: AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAH THATS EVEN BETTER Me: HAHAHA REAL WORLD DUBAI Radha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA IM CRYING Radha: Real World: Kazakhstan Radha: HAHAHA Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA...

Jan 25th

count dracula

lecrouton: Count Dracula is the most famous of all buttholes. He fucks during the day in a coffin. The count is never seen without his sploodge which he drapes over his peehole. When he flaps his strap-ons he turns into a bat and flies off into the haggis, in search of guidos. The count can only remain immortal by sucking wiener juice out of human snatches. Here is proof as to why my friends...

Jan 24th

sk00l sux

today is the second day of classes. already, my blood pressure has risen like jesus on the third day. quite unlike the catholics, i do not believe jesus is coming back any time soon, so there is really no hope for my hypertension either. it is my last semester of my undergraduate career, though, so i must remind myself that this, too, shall pass. well, so long as i pass all these classes. fuck...

Jan 20th

Jan 16th

3,214 notes

Jan 12th

is this what being an adult is like?

it’s 10:30pm and an itchy, crawly dread feeling has overcome me. sleep comes in a half hour, which is great because i’m exhausted. work comes in seven and a half hours, which is what caused this awful, terrifying anxiety. i just don’t want to go. i want to sleep for a couple more hours, then go to work at a job that i actually enjoy. i refuse to do something with my life...

Jan 12th